Week 2 MN I could never do this without HIM

This week has been ROUGH! 
Sharing some raw and honest emotions in this blog.

I've lost track of how many sleepless nights I've had in the last 2 weeks.   

I've questioned my ability to be strong enough for those I love the most.

I've watched my mom face her limitations head on and it's hard...hard to see her feel weak.

I've taken moments to capture mom's hands hold my baby boy because I don't want to ever forget them.

I've watched the joy on her face and tears of uncertainty fall as she snuggles closely with him.

I've witnessed family sacrifice their time to help not only my mom, but my children to feel loved and taken care of in the midst of changes. 
I've felt the love from my family in FL who have been selfless to hear my cries and comfort me.

I'm thankful I took these pictures to remind me why I am here.

I've said more times than I'd like to admit that I don't think I can take one more day.

I don't know if I can go another night without sleep.

I've questioned my decision to pull my kids away from their normal routine and their daddy for such a long period of time.

I've questioned whether or not our presence is too much.

I've seen fear, pain, sickness and anger in these beautiful blue eyes.

I've watched the happiest boy in the world wake up screaming in the middle of the night too many times and have felt helpless to console him.

I'm not complaining.  I'm not wanting pity.  I want to be real and remember the feelings I felt this week. Because while during these circumstances I have felt shaken and exhausted, in the end I'm so thankful.

I'm thankful that I am ABLE to do this. 

I'm thankful that my boys are getting to know their grandma.

 

I'm thankful to watch my children play where I once played.

I've been able to enjoy my boys more closely without distractions.

I'm learning to love without judgment.

I'm able to see the value in this photo.

I'm able to feel and acknowledge that I have yet another day to be with my mom.  That this isn't forever and that someday I will wish I could be in her presence just one more time.

That life is fragile.  It's messy and beautiful all at the same time. 
I felt fear as I watched my boy have another seizure and injure himself during it.

I can't change what has happened this week.

I CAN change my perspective and my heart to be grateful. 

I can choose to find peace in the sickness surrounding me. 
I know that one day I will long for their snuggles in the middle of the night. 

I will choose to enjoy the weeks I have left. 

 I know it will not be easy.  

I know how fast it will go.

I want to remember that I have felt defeated and weary this week and that God has sustained me.  He has given me eyes to see differently.  He has given me strength in my weakest moments.  He has been present in my darkest moments.

He is present in the hearts of my boys.  Watching them today holding hands is just another reminder of how blessed I am.  Thank you God for today.  Thank you for more days with my mom.  Thank you for continuously showing me my imperfections so I can grow to be more like you. 

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"

Philippians 4:13